From One Hell to the Next
by Let-it-lie
Summary: "Right now, we're caught between two evils, one of which is far greater and crueller than the other." EstLiet Neither of them could deny all that had passed between them over the past two years. They needed each other so badly it broke them up, but they lived in fear of being destroyed. When they were given a chance, Lithuania was afraid to take it, but they would not regret it.


**I don't like this, but I had to get it out of my system. It goes against most of my EstLiet headcanons; mainly how they acted around each other during the Soviet period and also their time of getting together (in my head, not historically). 'Let Me Love You', my other EstLiet fic, has become my headcanon for this pairing now.**

**Disclaimer: I refuse to write one of these. I don't have the imagination right now to think of a new one.**

**Warning: Rated for sensitive subject material.**

* * *

They knew the things that Russia did to Lithuania. On those nights, the house would be filled with his screams; or worse, silence. His pain kept them awake and alert, and on those nights they would sit side by side, holding hands and praying for him.

When it was all over, Estonia would tell Latvia to go to bed, before slipping silently through the house. He would check to make sure that Russia was gone, and if it was safe, he would enter the room where Lithuania lay; torn to shreds, broken, defeated.

It was Estonia who would clean and bandage Lithuania's wounds; who held him and stayed by his side until his vision cleared; who helped him to stand, and to walk up the savagely steep staircase. On the same nights, Estonia would get into Lithuania's bed and hold him close; breathing in his scent, listening to his heartbeat. Estonia became Lithuania's only link to the sane world, and he would hold him tightly, refusing to let him go.

Estonia never told anyone how much he needed Lithuania beside him. He kept hidden from the other two a lot of what he was going through. Russia made a big deal of torturing Lithuania, and although this left the other two isolated in their pain, they were grateful to Lithuania for bearing the brunt of Russia's cruelty. Some days Estonia would look at Lithuania and wonder just how he did it.

Lithuania would never have gotten through that year without Estonia. They had only been taken back by Russia fourteen months before, and those fourteen months had been the toughest of all of the many months that they'd spent together in the past living under Russia's roof. Lithuania blamed himself, saying that Russia was angry at him for leaving. Lithuania blamed himself for a lot of things. Part of the reason why Estonia had never shown Lithuania his scars was that Lithuania would blame himself for allowing the other nation to get hurt.

Being able to comfort Lithuania gave Estonia something to hold on to. As long as Lithuania needed his presence, he felt sane. The other nation's pain haunted him; a kind of mental torture that couldn't be explained to others. The fact that Russia would use them against each other prevented them from trying to become closer.

* * *

The dull green cloth of the tent matched his uniform; the only contrasts were in his blue-green eyes and pale hair. To anyone who had entered, he would probably have appeared camouflaged. He was sitting on his camp bed; absolutely still, not making a sound. His hands were clasped tightly together, and his face was that of someone who had been transported to an alternative reality. However, his mind was filled with worries. Worries, pain and fear.

He allowed the darkness of memory to unleash itself upon him, flinching at the memories which he found it difficult to face. It had to be done; if History were to repeat itself, he would be ready.

He remembered how they had been taken from Russia by Germany in 1915 followed shortly after by Latvia. Back then he had welcomed the change, since he had been under Russia's rule for over a century. It hadn't been as bad back then; although they were not recognised as separate states, their people hadn't been persecuted, and Russia hadn't been a cruel sadistic psychopath. In fact, he'd left them pretty much alone. They'd been like strangers in his house; eating Russian food, wearing Russian clothes, even speaking Russian to one another, but for all of that time, they'd been carving out an identity for themselves before his eyes.

When had Russia changed? Lithuania thought that it had been in 1905, when the first Russian revolution had occurred. On that day, he had become like a different person. No longer a puppet of his rulers, his metamorphosis had begun.

That was the reason why the Baltic's had wanted independence in the early 1900's. That, and the fact that they wanted to be who they truly were.

When Lithuania had been released from German occupation, he had watched the Russian civil war from afar. He had watched Estonia fight for his independence with fear, and had been relieved when he had succeeded.

Lithuania stood up carefully and walked over to the tent entrance. The inky sky mirrored his black mood as he stood taking in the scene before him.

They each had a separate tent; for what reason, Lithuania had no idea. Normally, Russia gave them little privacy, always wanting to get inside their minds. Lithuania had expected him to put them together, especially since there was the danger of Germany coming to take them in the night. That had been the reason for their presence; along with the fact that they were needed for the job of carrying the supplies.

Lithuania somehow couldn't see Germany coming to take them in the dead of night. He could see it happening in the daytime, but not in the middle of the night.

Over the monstrous hills, he could see the enemy's encampment. For a second he contemplated what it would mean to take off over the hills; to slip into the darkness like a shadow and let the hills take him where they would.

There was nowhere to run. Wherever he went he would be re-captured. The Russian claim over his territory was stronger than any of the ropes that Russia used had ever been.

He could go to the other camp and beg for their mercy; declare his loyalty to them. The journey would be easy; going from one hell into another. He saw little point in it. He had read the documents. He knew what was going on over there.

_The Germans are getting closer to us. Tomorrow, our fate will be decided._

The nation turned around, his path illuminated by the cold moon. He walked forcibly in the direction of the tents, stopping only to take a wistful glance at the one belonging to Estonia.

Time seemed to stand still as Lithuania was torn between intruding or going back to his own lodgings. He needed Estonia; needed to feel the warm breath against his neck, the soft arms that would hold him together even when he was falling apart. Furthermore, he needed someone to talk to; someone who would understand these things and be able to make some sense of what was going on. Estonia would know what to do. He always did.

Finally, temptation won out and Lithuania waked in quick, careful steps towards the tent entrance. He hoped that Estonia wasn't asleep.

* * *

"Lithuania."

The instant that he entered, hands took hold of him, guiding him to the small camp bed where the other nation had been sitting.

"You knew I was coming?"

Lithuania was a little perturbed by Estonia's apparent anticipation of his entrance. Estonia turned to him, looking at him seriously.

"I've been watching you do nothing but stand still for the past half hour. Are you feeling alright?"

Lithuania looked at him in surprise.

"Why were you watching me? I'm fine; I was just thinking about... things."

Estonia took Lithuania's hand, warming it with his own.

"Don't worry; I just heard a noise and wondered what it was. That's all. I didn't want to interrupt you in case you were... thinking. I understand that you needed some time. We've had a lot to think about recently."

Lithuania turned away from him, ashamed.

"I don't know, Estonia. I don't know what to do anymore."

He was shaking slightly; trying to hold it together. Estonia wrapped his arms around him quickly, steadying him. Lithuania held the other briefly before letting go.

"Sometimes I wonder if there really is any point anymore. All I see ahead is darkness, and I have nothing to hold on to."

Estonia grabbed Lithuania and looked him directly in the eye.

"I know what you're thinking of doing. And I don't like it one bit."

Lithuania looked in alarm at Estonia's pained expression and pressed up against him, holding him tighter than usual.

"No Estonia, I would never do that. How could I do that to you? But sometimes I wonder if there's anything worth holding on to at all."

Estonia sighed, threading his fingers through Lithuania's pale hair.

"Then hold on to me. I hold on to you. If you were to leave, I don't know what I'd do."

Lithuania brought up his own hand to rest on the pale hand now caressing his face delicately.

"I will try to." He murmured, a dull ache shadowing his eyes.

The silence fell over them again, bringing them closer together yet further apart. Lithuania felt the need to speak, but couldn't find the words to say. Estonia just wanted the other beside him.

"I don't know what the right thing is to do. Right now, we're caught between two evils, one of which is far greater and crueller than the other. No-one will help us, and we cannot help each other. We can't do anything at all."

Estonia nodded, listening to Lithuania, focused on him entirely. Lithuania continued.

"When I was out there... just now, I mean, I wanted to run; to get away from all of this. But I realised that even if I were to get away, I'd be dragged back. There's nothing that we can do. We're trapped."

Estonia spoke softly, his breath cool against Lithuania's neck.

"Perhaps just for a minute, you should stop thinking about us and try to put this all into perspective. We need to think about what will happen tomorrow."

Lithuania looked at the other wearily.

"I thought that you wanted to 'go it alone'."

Estonia sighed again.

"We have no choice now. You were right when you said that we have nowhere to run. Before, I thought that I could be independent again, like we have been for the past few decades, but it seems that I was wrong."

Lithuania nodded, resting his head against Estonia's shoulder.

"What do you think will happen, Estija?"

The other placed a gentle hand on Lithuania's damaged back, his eyes closed.

"I have an idea of what might happen, but I'm not going to tell you yet."

Lithuania blinked in surprise. Estonia continued.

"Toris, listen to me. There's something that I need to tell you; something that we both know. Before, I was afraid, but now I'm not."

Lithuania waited, his spirit alive with anticipation.

"Would you believe me if I told you that I loved you?"

For a moment, everything seemed to fall into place. The omission had been sudden, yet it had halted everything.

Estonia pulled Lithuania towards him and kissed him tenderly. At the contact, Lithuania seemed slowly to awaken, moving in to respond to the other nation as Estonia's hands caressed his neck and scalp. As they pulled away, the reality of what had just happened returned to them.

"Why did you tell me now? Why are you 'not afraid' anymore?"

Estonia blinked, his fingers tracing the side of Lithuania's face.

"I don't know how long I've been in love with you. It could have been since the beginning of this century, or during last century, but either way I only realised that I loved you this year. If I'd only have known earlier, we could've been together during our period of freedom. We've been avoiding each other out of fear of what being together might do to us. Now though, we have another chance. If Germany triumphs, things might get better for us. I would finally get to be with you. I've waited for too long now. I need you."

"Do you really think that Germany might triumph?"

"I'm certain that he will."

Estonia moved in to kiss Lithuania again, and the two allowed time and space to escape them. Finally Lithuania pulled away and said,

"We should go to sleep now. We'll see if you're right in the morning, but I personally think that you're mad."

* * *

**Finally finished. It's 11:40 here so my writing skills may have gone a bit out of the window at the end, but nevertheless. I'll add this fic to the long list of ones that need to be updated. Also, my fic 'Forgetting' is due to morph into EstLiet some time soon.**

**Historical Note (now added): **

**Lithuania was invaded by Germany in 1915, Latvia in 1917 and Estonia in 1918. The three later became independent states, although Estonia was attacked by the read army and had to fight for his independence in the Estonian war of independence. **

**During the century before World War One, the Baltic's were ruled by tsarist Russia, and often subjected to 'Russification'. However, it was during this period that their national identity was formed.**

**The first Russian civil war was in 1905, and according to Hetalia canon was when Russia cracked and became yandere. The revolution failed; the tsar wasn't overthrown until 1917.**

**Russia and Germany fought consistently during World War Two. I will add a note about the German invasion of the Baltic's in the next chapter.**


End file.
